by George Dienhart
There wasn’t much of my childhood left. It was bad enough that I turned 40 this year, but the losses suffered recently go way beyond my lost childhood days. Marshall Fields is gone. Heineman’s Bakery quietly killed my favorite pastry, the cheese flakey. The State Street Carson's. Garry Meier's radio comeback. They are all gone, existing, or soon to exist, only in our memories. All of these things, or people, were a part of my youth. A “Real American Hero”, G.I. Joe, will soon join them.
Let me elaborate. Joe isn’t going anywhere, only his American citizenship has disappeared. Hollywood has gotten its greasy, blood stained hands around the throat of another piece of Americana. In a new 
movie, G.I Joe will be part of a multi-national force, headquartered in Brussels. Frankly, people from Brussels don’t even deserve exile to Brussels. What did my dear departed childhood memories do to deserve this? Apparently, Hollywood believes that there is something wrong with being an American. That’s nothing new, a rash of anti Iraq movies has been made this year. God forbid that those in charge of the movie studios should actually appreciate the opportunities they are afforded, simply by being an American.
I could go into a long diatribe over Hollywood’s hatred of all that I hold dear, but I’ve done this already. Today is about G.I. Joe.
When I was a child, Joe was a little taller than he was in the incarnation being adapted into the movie. He was about a foot tall. One of my few remaining memories of my dearly departed sister involves G.I. Joe. I remember her look of horror as I asked her if she had seen my dolls. She looked at me and said, “Do you mean your G.I. Joes?- they’re not really dolls” I asked what I should call them she said “Call them your ‘Guys’”. From that point forward, The G.I. Joe team was “my guys”. In a bizarre twist of fate, whenever I hear Mike North use the phrase “My Guys” I think back to my sister, and my childhood. Yes, it is slightly disturbing…
Later in my childhood, Joe got out of the military. I believe he was part of some kind of “Adventure Team”. He was a spy, or maybe just a Richard Bransonesque millionaire adventurer. It wasn’t clear. Hasbro’s retreat from the Viet Nam War, however, was crystal clear. I lost interest in G.I. Joe at that point. It just wasn’t the same.
I crossed paths with Joe again in the 80’s. It seems that Ronald Reagan saved G.I. Joe. With America feeling good about itself again, Joe was back. I may not have noticed, but my younger brother, Mike, started asking for G.I. Joe toys for Christmas. My interest had been piqued, I went down to the local toy store, and had a look. I had walked in expecting to see my childhood friend. He wasn’t there. He had been replaced by 3-inch “action figures” with names like Duke, Scarlett, and Gung Ho. It wasn’t the same, but it was interesting. There were F-14 fighters and even an aircraft carrier for the little “guys” They even had enemies.
As a child, my guys had to fight imaginary communists. Usually Soviet, this imaginary Godless horde was hell-bent to destroy America. Only Joe and I stood in the way. My brother grew up in a different pretend war. His guys fought “Cobra” a terrorist organization. Cobra also had state of the art weaponry, always just slight less cool than the Joe teams weapons. This line of toys held other advantages over those of my youth. As the years went on, I was thrilled to notice, as a young Marine, that there were several Marines on the team. As a Bears fan, I took note when William Perry joined the team. They all had one thing in common. They were Americans.
The first Joe’s were American as well. This goes back before my childhood. Four Joes were released. There was one for each branch of Service. They had no names. They just quietly went about their imaginary lives, dedicated to protecting America. So were my “guys” and my brother’s toys. A Google search shows that the current Joe line is also supposed to be American. What happened?
I guess we are back to my diatribe. Hollywood, why do you hate America? I thought this problem might solve itself when so many liberals vowed to leave America if George Bush was elected. Well, George Bush was elected twice, and to my knowledge, they are still here. Unfortunately, these same liberals are fighting back by releasing movies that nobody wanted, and few are going to see. That’s the real shame of this. My son is a little old for G.I. Joe, but most likely would have liked to see the movie. Unfortunately, it looks like the liberal elite will be forcing its opinion down the public’s throat again. I doubt many will go to see this film, and another piece of my childhood will be dead.
The 80’s era of G.I. Joe is popular amongst collectors. People reliving their youth pay big bucks to reacquire the toys their parents bought them 25 years ago. My brother once owned a comic book and collectables store that did big business in G.I. Joe. He even had a pretty good collection of action figures himself. I wonder how his former customers would feel about what Hollywood is doing to their childhood memories.
I guess we need to learn to let go of these little things as we grow older. My father used to talk about milk in glass bottles and going to see movies for a dime. Those days have also past us by. My children will speak to their children about X-Box 360’s and Bratz and iPods. They will get the same looks I get from them when I talk about Atari and records, and yes, the dearly departed G.I. Joe. Whatever you were, Joe, is gone. It was killed by bad market research, anti-Americanism and adulthood. Rest in Peace, Joe. You will be remembered.
