By Sam Pierce -
Is Illinois special or do most states frequently suffer being presented a choice between two liberals seemingly every election cycle? I am assuming that we in Illinois are special indeed. It seems election time in Illinois is a time that tries men's souls, but also played on a loop every few years. In addition to having our souls tried, the loop plays a familiar reminder that God gave us two hands, perhaps with Illinois elections in mind.
Faithful Illinois Republicans, many of whom are part time conservatives, part time values voters, dutifully press play and urge full time conservatives and values voters to use their two hands in the manner intended.
The ever-blaring loop is some variation of the following melodic commandment from on high:
Thou shalt, with one hand, hold your nose!
Thou shalt, with the one remaining hand, grasp the waistband of your big-boy pants and tug them up!
Thou shalt, if a clothespin can be borrowed from your friendly Republican election judge, take your first hand from your nose (while the second hand holds your big-boy pants securely to your waist) and use it to gently clamp the pin to your nose!
Now thou hast a free hand to realize the purpose for which you were placed on this planet!
Thou shalt, exercise free will… no scratch that.
Thou shalt do the bidding of the Republican Party who owns you!
Dare not concern your weak mind with thoughts of baby parts being harvested from those denied a chance to be born!
Dare not contemplate that your tax dollars will support the mills that dismember the innocent!
All is as it should be, for a Republican enshrined it into law and therefore it is not an acceptable reason to deny your master his will.
Okay, so the last part is new this election cycle. Who says the Republican Party can't shake things up a little? The last time abortion diva, Diana Rauner's hubby was running, the commandment varied slightly but the direction was the same. Now, four years later, decent people are reminded to block the promises of the past from their memories and march on toward the polling places. After all, "Oceania had always been at war with Eastasia" and it was never proclaimed that Rauner had no social agenda.
The more conservative among Illinois voters are herded into the cattle cars in order to be "on the train" as opposed to the only other option: "be run over by it!" It does not matter if a voter is such a simpleton that he or she has values. What matters is that the Republican Party wins! One might wonder what victory is won by supporting a candidate with whom he disagrees. It is not to be understood, but to be taken on faith.
Your Republican Party…
"But I am not a Republican any longer…"
Shut up. Your Republican Party still owns the rights to your vote. Always has. Always will.
I personally haven't been this disgusted by a statewide Republican candidate, rejected by part time conservatives in the primary only to be embraced (while holding their noses and tightening the belt on their big boy pants) since The most radical of pro-abortion, Cap and Trade voting, lying about his military service Mark Kirk ran for U.S. Senate. I guess I need to heed the advice of the pragmatic prostitute for the Republican Party and consider that this, like every election before it and every election to come, is the most important election of our generation (or at least of this election cycle) and it is too important to concern myself with agreeing with a candidate.
Values voters, conservative voters, a.k.a single-issue voters induce nausea in the part time conservatives who can't grasp that they too are single-issue voters. It just happens that their single issue is the party's will. They also ignore that there are multiple issues the likes of Diana Rauner's husband are horrible on, like his sanctuary state leanings, but hey there is no room for honesty when such a critical election is at hand. Additionally, we should consider the influx of illegal aliens who will drain social "safety nets" and support Democrat politicians a blessing to our state and to our Republican Party. If you are wondering how pandering to future guaranteed Democrat voters is a good thing for the Republican Party, you should shut up and fall in line!
Of course the erudite, pragmatic part time conservatives never seem to be able to answer the paradox they create. If winning is what matters and it matters not at all if the candidate is aligned with your values, then why not just vote for whoever is ahead in the polls, regardless of party affiliation?
The answer is, of course, because the Republican Party owns you and you will obey.
